Late-Night Personalities Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Program

Late-night's top comedians used the evening mocking ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "golden visa," portraying it as a clear cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday jingle about the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he comes into contact with."

The focus was the new program that permits international citizens to buy U.S. residence for an investment of one million dollars, with a "premium" tier for five million. An official page guarantees processing "faster than ever."

"One thought here to rich immigrants: prior to you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He noted that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from companies wishing to hire skilled workers, involving large costs. "That's a lot of fees, but if you sign up, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he said.

"The most thorough background check the U.S. government has ever done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Commentary

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will let affluent foreigners to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get legal resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the form, noting it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's slipping poll ratings amid financial concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term since they were mad about the economy," he explained.

Recently, in a attempt to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He's so fucking weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting conservative media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy like the one FIFA did," he laughed.